Why I'm opening up my sacral chakra
“Remember your divine feminine power and let it take up space without apology” — @stfoxie
If you’re not yet sick of hearing it by now: yes, I am taking a chance to start over in life.
Another important piece of 2018 that I’m now ready to proclaim is:
I’m also focusing on my health.
I had a health scare that started in July and lasted throughout the rest of the summer and into fall. I got my monthly period…and it just never...went...away. For two months straight, I was menstruating without any pause.
I saw multiple specialty doctors, ran MRI’s, uncomfortable ultrasounds, you name it — no one could figure out what the fuck was going on. Was it endometriosis? Nope. Was it my birth control pill dosage? Nope. Was I pregnant? Nope. I was so scared, no one could pin down what was going on with my body. Why was I bleeding?
On a totally separate note, I had been contemplating leaving my job since coming back from our Philippines trip, thinking about what it could mean to start over, hit the reset button and pursue my dreams — or at least have the space and time to discover what those dreams are. I used to be someone full of passion and vigor, someone who created, someone with vision and heart. Gradually and silently, I let the seduction of my corporate career pull me into its lair of stability. I lost inspiration, motivation, mobility, and the will to participate in passionate pursuits and militant calls to action to serve the people. My partner, Chris, and I talked, and we realized that for both of us, the time was right to start a new chapter of our lives and build it together. We set a date to say goodbye to NYC and head to the west coast in mid-December. The decision became a truth when we told our friends and our family.
The next day I wasn’t bleeding anymore.
Turns out, I was stressed beyond detection. Stress inhabited my body like a colonizer, deceitfully disguising itself as progression or advancement — as if productivity was a measure of my worth or growth. Like a colonizer, it built itself a home and took up space in me until there was little of me left. I was literally so stressed out (and unhappy) in my corporate job + lifestyle, that it was polluting my mental health — I became someone I didn’t recognize. My body became a host for the stress and for 60+ days, I was literally B L E E D I N G because it had gentrified my identity to its pelvic core.
Then the Vegas massacre happened, which shook me the fuck up. Life is too fucking short. I gave my two weeks notice to my boss in October and began reclaiming my time and my life in November — my final month of living in NYC. I paid my bills. Cooked more. Spent more time with friends. Spent time with myself. Spent time with my partner. Spent time with the city.
…and doing yoga. After spending all these years operating at high speed and constant alert and maximum anxiety in a city that never sleeps, I needed to relearn how to breathe deep… how to take a breath again.
Over the next couple of months, I explored alternative sources to try and gain some clarity. I went to get my aura read. I had my birth chart mapped, too. and had a session with a Filipina “hilot" or herbal healer/masseuse/reflexologist. And in all of these sessions, I started noticing a theme: their interpretations of my current self and current stage in life kept depicting/mentioning a cloud, a blockage, a blur of my pelvic center. The hilot even went so far as to say my uterus is “migrating” (what does that even mean?).
Okay, so, connecting all of this back to yoga...
Located in the lower abdomen just below the navel, the sacral chakra represents the very center of “You.” The chakra originates from the Sanskrit word “Svadhishthana,” which translates as “one’s own place” and refers to the true and untarnished aspects of the real you [source]. It is associated with the emotional body, sensuality, creativity, and passion. Its element is water and as such, its energy is characterized by flow and flexibility. The function of the sacral chakra is directed by the principle of pleasure [source].
The sacral chakra is associated with the following psychological and behavioral functions:
The Sacral Chakra
Apparently, when I was at my unhappiest and unhealthiest -- when I was bleeding -- I was unknowingly ignoring, blocking, taking for granted my sacral chakra. It’s time to heal — open up, clear, cleanse, support, and strengthen the very core of who I am. If I am intending to be someone who is rediscovering myself as an artist — a creative and passionate soul -- I need to heal first. It starts with taking care of, spending time with, and tending to my health/body/roots.
Nourishment leads to abundance, abundance leads to cultivation, and cultivation leads to creation. Can’t grow plants if the roots are dry.
Here I am. I’m learning to breathe again. I’m exploring how to be mindful with the intentions of my yoga practice: with each pose, I am decolonizing the stress out of my body, and instead, I’m planting patience into it.
By focusing more on my health, I hope I will develop a more connected relationship with how I
the body my soul calls home.
Speaking of home, I'm living with my mom again, and speaking Tagalog more. Rehydrating my roots. I'm thankful for the space she is holding for me. What a privilege it is to have this support system. And hopefully...once I've healed, I'll rediscover the artist + creator + activist in me again.
Have you had a health scare that couldn’t be explained or diagnosed by conventional western medicine/methods? I’d like to invite you to hit me up if you’d like someone to talk to about it. I’m no expert, but I’m a friend who can help guide you towards open doors when all others seem to be closed. Feel free to email me: flerinecrystal[at]gmail.com.