MUGU PEAK TRAIL

POINT MUGU STATE PARK

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I started putting pen to paper in my 2019 journal last night. I’m hoping to sketch a favorite scene to meditate on from each of my adventures with the #52hikechallenge. What’s not pictured here is the emotional tantrum I spiraled into before going to bed. Personal boundaries. Personal space. Sometimes I wonder if these are Western concepts that manifest as self-care. They are tools I’m learning in therapy and practicing in life. It’s difficult, though — because I’ve grown up in a culture with no personal boundaries and no personal space. No locks on doors; the idea of privacy is not a thing. Shared beds, shared plates, shared clothes. Peeing/taking a shit with the door open (thank you @blondemary for the reminder). We are masters of maximizing time/resources/space and saving face. Always sacrificing personal needs to be there for others. Even the late Tony Bourdain (RIP) noticed this about our culture when he said, "Filipinos give—of themselves, of their time their money, their love—to others.” We are over-accomodating and over-hospitable at the expense of our own selves. So I have a hard time saying “No” because I’m not as practiced with personal boundaries and personal space. All it took last night was one small simple request (beyond a boundary I didn’t know was there ) to spiral me into TAMPO mode. TAMPO is a Filipino culturalism that (mostly) women experience when we’ve hit a wall without seeing it. We weren’t aware of our own figurative boundaries — overextended ourselves -- and so it hurts when we’re gobsmacked by it. We hit that wall HARD. And we get unreasonably salty and temperamental about it. If you don’t know what TAMPO is — and you feel like learning something new today — go ahead and read up on Wikipedia’s digestible version of it. And hopefully — if your partner or your roommate or your friend is Filipina — you’ll have a better understanding of her mood swings. Because she ain’t a swing, babe. She’s a rollercoaster. Enjoy the ride. — #wehiketoheal Shoutout to @cscarciotta’s immeasurable patience. Grateful to have a partner who meets me in the middle whenever our backgrounds and cultures collide. We’re learning together.

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